come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
