we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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