I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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