Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
