Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
