my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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