Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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