Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
