I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
