I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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