apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
