listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
