he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
