Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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