How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I will pee on everything he values.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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