I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize