I'm so fucking centered right now
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
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It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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