Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
