Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
