what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
