dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
