Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
