Just fell off a train. Bad.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
