When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
