Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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