A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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