he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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