Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
