i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
