fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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