some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
