it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
