You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
