Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
