bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I am naked and annoyed.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
