Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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