Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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