the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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