my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
