Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You smell like stripper and shame
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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