Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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