my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
