Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
