I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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