umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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