I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
