Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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