**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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