I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I see more hoeing in ur future
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