You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
