I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
