I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
