I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
