my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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