there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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