Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
