i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
