I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
