Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Couch. On fire.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
