I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
