real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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