i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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