Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
