im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize