Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
