And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
