some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
