Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
