my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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