I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
